Listen beneath the surface

CHARLOTTE + ENSEMBLE
Ba-da-ba, ba-da-ba-doo
Ba-da-ba, ba-da-ba-doo (etc)

CHARLOTTE
"The name's Charlotte..."

Now I'm only the help, I just cook and I clean
But sugar, lemme tell you the things I have seen
This family's a circus, this house is a zoo
So pull up a porthole, I'll tell you who's who

CHARLOTTE + ENSEMBLE
(Hey down there!) Hey down there!
(Hey down there!)
Pack up the wagon, we're sinkin' our house in the sea

Wave bye to the world, 'cause there's no place we'd rather be
than way down there! (way down there!)
So pull up a porthole, pull up a chair
The whole crazy family's goin' DOWN THERE!

CHARLOTTE
That's the Rizzos, the maddest of crews

ENSEMBLE
Hey down there!

CHARLOTTE
'Bout to trade dry land for the deep-blue blues.
They're packin' the wagon, kissin' the sidewalk goodbye.

ENSEMBLE
'Cause they're movin' to the bottom of the sea!

JANET
"Lord help me."

There's my Mr. Rizzo, the man with the dream
He built a glass house where the sharks convene!

ENSEMBLE
Ooh-ooh, down there!

CHARLOTTE
He says, "Charlotte, pack light, we are headin' on down!"
I said, "Mr. Rizzo... I'd sooner just drown!"
And his poor wife Janet, God love her, she's sweet
But the woman gets seasick just crossin' the street!

ENSEMBLE
Ooh-ooh, down there!

JANET
Sixty feet of water over our BED?!

CHARLOTTE
 "I'll bring the bicarbonate, honey. Get in."

CHARLOTTE + ENSEMBLE
(Hey down there!) (Hey down there!)
(Hey down there!)
Pack up the wagon, we're sinkin' our house in the sea

(Hey down there!)
Wave bye to the world, 'cause there's no place we'd rather be
than way down there! (way down there!)
So pull up a porthole, pull up a chair
The whole crazy family's goin' DOWN THERE!

ENSEMBLE
Hey down there!

CHARLOTTE
To the kids who just know they're the next big thing

ENSEMBLE
Hey down there!

CHARLOTTE
Hand 'em a microphone, listen to 'em sing!

There's Kay on vocals, that girl's got a set
And Gary drummin' on everything yet!

ENSEMBLE
Ba-da-ba, down there!

CHARLOTTE
"The Rizzos are gonna be famous, you'll see!"

CHARLOTTE
Famous and grounded, the both of them. Now smile.
Up top there's the boss with the coke-bottle stare
That's J.R. Backus, all hot, bottom-line air!

ENSEMBLE
Boo-hiss, up there!

JR BACKUS
Thirty days down under, or the project is dead!

CHARLOTTE
Cheap as he is bald. And honey, that's bald. And slick little Roddy in his grooviest suit. The record-man wonder, the boy in cahoots!

ENSEMBLE
(Ooh-ooh, down there!)

RODDY
I smell a hit single sixty fathoms below!

CHARLOTTE
He smells a quick dollar. Same difference, I s'pose.

CHARLOTTE + ENSEMBLE
(Hey down there!) Hey down there!
(Hey down there!)
Pack up the wagon, we're sinkin' our house in the sea
Hey down there! (Hey down there!)
Wave bye to the world, 'cause there's no place we'd rather be
than way down there! (way down there!)

CHARLOTTE
Now you've met your inventor, your boss and your star
Your nervous-wreck mama, your kids and guitar
But who's gonna mop when the ocean gets in?
Who holds it together through thick and through thin?

ENSEMBLE
Who's that? Who's that?

CHARLOTTE
"Honey. You're lookin' at her."

[Final chorus and button - big band kick, full company]

CHARLOTTE
So there's Tony and there's Janet, Kay and Gary, the boss and the record-man...and me, holdin' on!

CHARLOTTE & ENSEMBLE
Five dry-land dreamers (and one who can't swim!)
Takin' the plunge on a wing and a hymn
So pull up a porthole, pull up a chair
And all together now

ALL
HEY... DOWN... THERE!

CHARLOTTE [spoken, deadpan]
...somebody hand me a towel.
...somebody hand me...
...somebody hand me a towel!

KAY
I wake up in my coral bed,
with sunlight dancin’ overhead,
a school of little fishies sayin’ “hi”—
I flip the switch, the coffee’s hot,
got the grooviest picture window you got:
the warm Hawaiian waters rollin’ by!

ENSEMBLE
Oh, life is sweeter—

KAY
Down below!

ENSEMBLE
(Down below!)
Everything’s neater down below!
Wave to a whale on your way to work,
where the rent is low and the dolphins lurk—
oh, life is sweeter...
down below!

GARY
The days go dreamier,

KAY
the nights go starrier,

GARY
the neighbors get friendlier—

ENSEMBLE
“Glub-glub”—down below!

KAY
Your troubles go floatin’ away with the tide,
there’s a porthole picture on every side—
so come on and dive...

ENSEMBLE
Down below!

MALE ANNOUNCER
[Spoken]
Rialto Reef. The neighborhood of tomorrow—sixty feet closer to heaven. A view you’ll never get tired of...

[Spoken in rhythm]
Fathom after fathom after fathom.

KAY
So pack your bags and grab your fins,
this is where the dream begins,
take a chance and forget the status quo.

ENSEMBLE
Oh, life is sweeter—

KAY
(Sweeter!)

GARY
Yeah, life’s completer—

KAY
(Completer!)
Nothin’ in the world could be neater
than livin’ down below!

ANNOUNCER
[Spoken]
Rialto Reef...

[Instrumental Sting]

ENSEMBLE
Take a chance!

[Beat]

ENSEMBLE
Take a chance!

[Spoken, to mirror]

Annette Foo-nichello had to start somewhere.

[Verse 1]

Some girls dream of wedding rings,
A little house, a picket fence.
Some girls want a steady beau
Who owns a car and has good sense.

That sounds really nice.
But it simply isn’t me.
The whole world is much too small
For what I plan to be.

I see my name in magazines,
My face on every screen.
A thousand girls will copy
Every look that makes the scene.

They’ll ask me how it happened.
I’ll smile modestly and say,
“I sang into my hairbrush,
And everything changed that day.”

[Pre-Chorus]

First they’ll put me next to Annette,
Just a newcomer in the frame.
Then they’ll say, “Who is that girl?”
And everybody will learn my name.

[Chorus]

It’ll be me in the picture,
It’ll be me on the screen,
Waving from a neato racing speedboat
In a swimsuit crisp and clean.

It’ll be me with Annette,
Then Annette and me, you’ll see—
Then one day she'll have to move over,
And it’ll be me!

It’ll be me!
It’ll be me!
The girl America’s been waiting to see!
First me and Annette,
Then Annette and me—
Then finally, completely,
Undeniably me!

[Verse 2]

I’ll have fan clubs in Chicago,
Autograph books in Duluth,
A column in Photoplay
About my style, my smile, my youth.

I’ll dance across the beach at noon,
Each curl and eyelash just right,
With every camera finding me
In flawless, perfect light.

I’ll sing from coast to coast,
I’ll smile big for camera three,
And every girl in every town
Will dress and talk like me.

And when the leading man leans close
To kiss me by the sea,
I’ll turn my face toward camera one—
Because the star is me.

[Pre-Chorus]

First they’ll call me “promising,”
Then “darling,” then “divine.”
Then every girl in every town
Will want a hairdo just like mine.

[Chorus]

It’ll be me in the picture,
It’ll be me on the screen,
Singing in a light blue convertible T-Bird
With seventeen boys in between.

It’ll be me with Annette,
Then Annette and me, you’ll see—
Then one day they’ll change the billing,
And it’ll be me!

It’ll be me!
It’ll be me!
The girl on every television set from sea to sea!
First me and Annette,
Then Annette and me—
Then finally, magnificently,
It’ll be me!

[Bridge — full voice, rhythmic, no whisper, no breathy delivery]

Maybe it sounds silly
To want strangers shouting loud,
But I know I’ll feel at home there
Standing center in the crowd.

But when I’m singing, people listen.
They won’t pat my head and grin.
They won’t smile and call me “sweetheart”
They won’t tell me where I fit in.

When the spotlight finds me,
I don’t have to beg or plead.
For three bright minutes, I’m the person
Everybody came to see.

I’m not somebody’s little darling.
I’m not somebody’s girl.
I’m standing right at center stage,
And I am ready for the world.

[Reprise — reflectively but with a clear full voice, still building; no whisper, no breathy delivery]

So maybe first it’s me and Annette,
Standing sweetly side by side.
Then she’ll smile and say, “You’re ready,”
And gracefully step aside.

Maybe she says, “Don’t let them tell you
Who a sweetheart has to be.”
Then the music starts, she takes my hand—
And points the way for me.

[Final Chorus]

It’ll be me in the picture,
It’ll be me on the screen,
Not because I’m a little someone’s darling,
But because I’ve earned the scene.

It’ll be me with Annette,
Then Annette and me, you’ll see—
Then someday they’ll ask, “Who’s next?”
And the answer will be—

[solo]

Me in the spotlight,
Me in the frame,
Me in the headlines,
Me in the hall of fame,
Me with a country full of people
Calling out my name!

First me and Annette,
Then Annette and me—
Then move over, everybody—

[Big finish]

It'll be me!

GARY
Other kids want comic books and candy and a mitt
Me, I want a microscope, a Bunsen and a bit
of pure uranium, okay well, maybe not that
But a beaker and a burner and a lab where I can satisfy the itch

'Cause ever since the age of three I've been taking apart the toaster just to see what makes it tick
What makes it spark, what makes the whole thing go
'Cause there's nothing in this world like the thrill of "now I know"

And my dad's the very same, got a lab below the stairs
And I sneak down there and tinker when no one really cares
'Cause this man has got a wrench where his heart should oughta be
Oh, science, sweet science
You're the only girl for me

So now we got a problem and it's bad and it's real
And it's barreling toward the house like a runaway wheel
I don't care what it is, I just know that it's true
And I know what it means and I know what it'll do

If nobody stops it, if nobody's smart
This whole crazy dream's gonna fall apart
And I watched my dad's face and I saw him go pale
'Cause the man's got no answer and the man does not fail

And the clock's ticking down and there's no time to lose
And there's nobody coming and there's nothing to use
And I'm standing here shaking and I'm thinking, wait
I think I got it
And it might not be too late

See, you can't fight the thing with the same old stuff
No sir, you go molecular, you gotta engineer
a brand new kind of substance out of something that won't rust
Won't crack, won't corrode and I know exactly what we must
We fuse it and we cure it and we bake it and we coat it
The whole entire thing in a polymer I wrote the formula for myself
And it's a hydro-vulcanized
Trans-borosilicated double cross-polymerized
Neo-crystalline salt-resistant pressure-tested chain
Say that three times fast without a hiccup in your brain
It bends but doesn't break and it laughs at H2O
And the second that I make it
Well then everyone will know

I can do this, I can do this
I got dad's whole brain and a little of my own
And when he sees the thing I built him
When the danger's gone and everybody's home
He'll look at me the way he looks at blueprints
Like I'm something that he dreamed and got just right
And he'll say, "That's my boy, that's my son"
Oh, I gotta get this done tonight

But what if I'm wrong?
What if the formula's a bust?
What if I flood the house? What if it all turns to dust?
What if I'm just a kid with a notebook and a dream
And the grown-ups were right and I'm dumber than I seem?
What if I make it worse? What if my dad gets the blame?
What if I'm the punchline? What if I'm the one to shame the family?
Sink the family?
What if? What if? What if?
No!

A man doesn't quit when a man's got a hunch
I might crash, I might burn and the time is in a crunch
But I heard what I heard and I can't just sit and cry
So I'm scared half to death
But darn it, I have to try!

CHARLOTTE
Ahhh... red lipstick.

JANET
An accident.

CHARLOTTE
Both lips?

JANET
I was just trying it.

CHARLOTTE
With heels?

JANET
A woman can try lipstick in heels. Ugh, I have no business doing this.

CHARLOTTE
Good. Do it for pleasure.

JANET
I’m serious.

CHARLOTTE
So am I. That is why I had a small sherry... for clarity.

JANET
At nine in the morning?

CHARLOTTE
Medicinal... for your nerves.

JANET
My nerves?

CHARLOTTE
They were bothering me.

JANET
Sharlit...

CHARLOTTE
No. Listen. You’ve spent all morning walking from the stove to the window, from the window to the mirror, from the mirror to that purse, and from that purse back to the stove, like a little saint waiting for the stove to turn water into gravy.

JANET
I’m not waiting for a miracle.

CHARLOTTE
You’re free to go anywhere, as long as it’s the kitchen.

JANET
That’s not fair.

CHARLOTTE
Neither is wasting red lipstick on fear.

JANET
I don’t know who I think I am.

CHARLOTTE
There... that’s the meatball in the soup! You’re not afraid of the office. You’re afraid they’ll ask your name and you won’t know if it’s still yours.

JANET
That is not funny.

CHARLOTTE
No. That’s why we sing it. I’m the maid. I know where things get buried.

JANET
What if I’m too late?

CHARLOTTE
Too late? Darlin’... you’re not a library book.

CHARLOTTE
You spent your whole life being polite.

JANET
I was taught to say please.

CHARLOTTE
And that kept everybody comfortable.

JANET
Everyone but me.

CHARLOTTE
One little step, one little breath,
one little shoe on the floor.
One little yes to the life you left,
waiting outside your door.

JANET
I don’t know how to be her anymore.

CHARLOTTE
The one who walks in, knows what to say, and doesn’t apologize for taking a chair?

JANET
Yes.

CHARLOTTE
She is not dead. She is only under household debris.

JANET
Sharlit—

CHARLOTTE
No. Listen. You spent twenty years being convenient: for dinner, for fevers, for Tony’s mother, who has never been convenient a day in her life.

JANET
She’s old.

CHARLOTTE
She was born old. Some babies cry. Mama Rizzo corrected the doctor.

JANET
I can’t just change overnight.

CHARLOTTE
Okay. Just do it by noon.

JANET
You make everything ridiculous.

CHARLOTTE
No. Ridiculous tells the truth! You’re a woman with a purse... and very serious shoes. And yet you’re three feet from freedom, afraid to cross the floor.

JANET
It feels like crocodiles.

CHARLOTTE
Then step on their heads. One little step.

JANET
One little breath.

CHARLOTTE
One little shoe on the floor.

JANET
One little yes.

CHARLOTTE
To the life you left.

JANET
Waiting outside my door.

JANET
What if they ask what I can do?

CHARLOTTE
Tell them the truth.

JANET
Which truth?

CHARLOTTE
You can read a room before the room knows it. You can hear a lie in a compliment. You can stretch a fiver till Lincoln begs for mercy. You can calm three people, ignore two people, and forgive one man before breakfast.

JANET
That’s not office experience.

CHARLOTTE
You have kept inventory: one husband’s mood, two children’s needs, three opinions at dinner, four saints on the wall, five things not said, and six thousand little no’s you swallowed because yes was easier.

JANET
And now?

CHARLOTTE
Now, say something scandalous.

JANET
Like what?

CHARLOTTE
Like “I want.”

JANET
I want.

CHARLOTTE
Again. Less funeral.

JANET
I want.

CHARLOTTE
Again, but more expensive.

JANET
I want!

CHARLOTTE
There she is! Hide the silver!

CHARLOTTE
One little step.

JANET
One little breath.

CHARLOTTE
One little shoe on the floor.

JANET
One little yes?

CHARLOTTE
To the life you left.

JANET
Waiting outside my door.

JANET
I am not Mrs. Anybody.

CHARLOTTE
Correct.

JANET
I am not almost.

CHARLOTTE
Also correct.

JANET
I am not china in the cabinet.

CHARLOTTE
You are more of a serving platter. Large impact. Hard to ignore.

JANET
I am not waiting anymore.

CHARLOTTE
There she is!

JANET
I am taking my purse.

CHARLOTTE
Put money in it. Symbolism is lovely, but bus fare is cash.

JANET
I am opening the door.

CHARLOTTE
Careful.

JANET
One little step.

CHARLOTTE
There it is!

JANET
One little breath.

CHARLOTTE
Use the good lungs.

JANET
One little shoe on the floor.

CHARLOTTE
And the other, unless you plan to hop.

CHARLOTTE & JANET
One little step, one little breath,
one little shoe on the floor.
One little yes to the life you left—
no, the life you’re walking toward.

JANET
Open the door.

CHARLOTTE
Open the door.

CHARLOTTE & JANET
Open the door!

FEMALE ENSEMBLE
[Verse 1]
Dress the room in Christmas splendor,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Strike a pose both bright and tender,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Light the candles, start the swinging,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
Fill the house with bells and singing,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

[Verse 2]
Bring the tinsel, bring the holly,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Christmas ought to sparkle, darling,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Hear the brass and feel the rhythm,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
Every heart will dance the beat,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

[Dance Break — Brass and Percussion]

FEMALE VOICES
[Spoken]
Trim it! Light it! Swing it! Christmas!

FEMALE ENSEMBLE
[Verse 3]
Step beneath the mistletoe now,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Don’t pretend you don’t know how now,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Let the season work its magic,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
Christmas never should be tragic,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

[Bridge — Featured Women]

WOMAN 1
A little silver—

WOMAN 2
A little gold—

WOMAN 3
A little something warm when nights are cold—

ALL
A little music, a little cheer,
and suddenly the happiest night of the year!

FEMALE ENSEMBLE
[Final Verse]
Raise the curtain, start the show now,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Let the whole wide country know now,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Sing it high and swing it brightly,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
Wish the world a Christmas nightly,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

[Key Change]
Fa-la-la-la-la! Fa-la-la-la-la!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

[Big Finish]
Deck the halls and start the show!

Hear those bells—
Christmas bells—
ringing through the night!
Hear them swing, hear them sing,
everything is bright!
Snow or shine, feeling fine,
leave your cares behind—
Christmas has a way of putting merry on your mind!

[Band Break]
Hey!

DEAN
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
ring them loud and clear!
Nothing tells you quite as well
that Christmas time is here!
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
swing them all the way!
What a night to laugh a little,
love a little—hey!

[Instrumental Break]

DEAN
Trim the tree—light it up—
pour another cheer!
Find a friend, make amends,
best night of the year!
Take a chance, join the dance,
don’t just sit and wait—
Christmas only comes around
twelve months too late!

[Band Break]
Come on!

DEAN
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
ring them loud and clear!
Nothing tells you quite as well
that Christmas time is here!
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
swing them all the way!
What a night to laugh a little,
love a little—hey!

[Key Change]
Jingle! Jingle! Hear those Christmas bells!
Ring them! Swing them! Everybody knows—

[Big Finish]
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
send them on their way!
Have yourself a swinging little Christmas Day!

JANET
The turkey is a tragedy, the tree is a fright,
I cried in the eggnog, I've been up half the night—
I dragged us all out here, and I'm painfully aware—
...and still, there is nowhere I'd rather be.

I read the fine print wrong! I always do!

TONY
You read it just fine, love — it said "spend it with you."

JANET
We're a million miles from everyone we know!

TONY
Then there's nobody near to steal our show.

BOTH
So what could be better,
what could be sweeter,
than you in the firelight, frazzled and grand?
The world's gone sideways, the dinner's a crime—
but darlin', I'd marry you one more time.
What could be better than this?

TONY
The kids are all homesick, the dog won't come 'round,

JANET
my hair's a calamity,

TONY
my nerves come unwound—
And you've never once looked lovelier to me.

JANET
Honey. Be serious.

TONY
Darling, I'm trying to be.

JANET
 I wanted it perfect—

TONY
 it already is—

JANET
I wanted it merry—

TONY
so give me a kiss—

JANET
You're impossible, mister—

TONY
I know that I am—

JANET
...and wonderful—

TONY
...and completely your man.

BOTH
And somehow this shipwreck's the best Christmas yet.

BOTH
So what could be better,
what could be brighter,
than the two of us laughing at how it all went?

JANET
Let the tinsel fall down, let the turkey go cold—
I've got the only gift I would ever want to hold,
and a Christmas I'd never have spent
on anyone better—

TONY
“Sweetheart, I got you!”

BOTH
That’s the whole song.

What could be better than this?

JANET
‘cause there's no one better—

BOTH
 oh, what could be better than this?

JANET
...You really don't mind that I got it all wrong?

(Repeating what he had told her)
Sweetheart — I got you. That's the whole song.

BOTH
What could be better than this.

GARY
Keep your loved ones close this Christmas,
hold them in your heart today.
That's the one place
where they're never far away.

KAY
Keep your loved ones close this Christmas,

GARY
The ones you're missing so—

KAY
Hold them near,

BOTH
And they will never go.

GARY
Every laugh you shared,
every hand you used to hold,

KAY
They're a fire that stays lit
when the world outside turns cold.

BOTH
The ones we love, the ones we've lost,
the ones we can't be near—

KAY
They gather close inside the heart,
And Christmas brings them here.

GARY
However wide the world gets,

KAY
However far we roam.

GARY
Keep your loved ones close this Christmas,

BOTH
And your heart is always home.

We'll keep them close this Christmas,

GARY
So no one stands alone—

KAY
Keep your loved ones close this Christmas,

BOTH
And your heart is always home.

KAY
And your heart...

BOTH
is always...home.

CHARLOTTE (alone, gentle, to the moping family)
I've watched you mope around all week,
too blue to sing, too blue to speak,
just achin' for a doorway far from here—
you miss your mama's kitchen light,
old friends, the snow, the Christmas night,
and Lord, don't I miss every bit, my dear.

[she settles in among them, softer]

But dry those eyes and look around this room:
the whole of what you're missin'... is right here.

So we'll make our own Christmas,
we'll make it warm and bright,
we'll take the little love we've got
and set the room alight.
Forget about the distance,
forget about the snow—
'cause Christmas isn't somewhere,
it's the people that you know.

Now somebody string a ribbon,
somebody hum a tune,
somebody drag the good chairs close
and light the candles low—

KAY
"...I guess I know the harmony."

Gary (picking up his sticks)
"...I think I got the beat."

Kay & Gary
"...well, all right. All right. Let's go."

ALL
We'll make our own Christmas,

CHARLOTTE
we'll make it loud and true,
the way we did when we were broke
with nothin' else to do.

CHARLOTTE + ENSEMBLE
Forget about the faraway,

CHARLOTTE
forget about the cold—
'cause Christmas isn't somewhere,
it's the hands you get to hold.

JANET
There's people that we love tonight
a thousand miles away...

CHARLOTTE
Then we'll love 'em twice as hard from here,
and they'll feel it where they stay—

ALL (swelling)
so let the tears come if they must,
then let 'em turn to gold,

CHARLOTTE
and we'll have ourselves a Christmas
to keep until we're old!

We'll make our own Christmas,
we'll make it shine so far
that everyone we're missin'
can feel it where they are!
Forget about the cold and dark,
the empty night outside—
'cause Christmas isn't somewhere,
it's everyone inside!

CHARLOTTE
"So come on, my darlins'... "

ENSEMBLE
let's make Christmas.

CHARLOTTE
Let's make Christmas!

ENSEMBLE
Let's make Christmas!

JOAN
First somebody sees you,
Then somebody whistles,
Then somebody sends you—a rose.
Then somebody calls you
A beautiful angel—
And hopes if you’re married—he knows.

Then somebody kisses you
Under the mistletoe,
Till your lipstick is gone from your face.
Then somebody squeezes you,
Somebody teases you,
In a private, discreet little place.

But you’re nobody till somebody feeds you,
Till somebody hands you a plate.
He may tell you you’re gorgeous
And loosen your girdle—
But hunger will not sit and wait.

He may kiss you and squeeze you
And beg you to please him,
And swear you’re the girl he adores.
But you’re nobody till somebody feeds you,
Then asks if you’d like a little more.

First, somebody wines you, (somebody wines you)
Then somebody dines you, (somebody dines you)
Then somebody dims every light. (every light)
Then somebody whispers, (your place or my place?)
your place or my place?
You choose where the kitchen is right.

Then somebody holds you,
And slowly enfolds you,
And slowly plays with your hair.
Then he masters each hook,
Without having to look—
A talented man is quite rare.

But you’re nobody till somebody feeds you,
Till somebody puts meat on your bones.
A man can undress you, caress and impress you—
That only proves he’s not made of stone.

He may steam up the windows
And call you his goddess,
And promise a night you’ll recall.
But you’re nobody till somebody feeds you—
A lover brings nothing.
A husband brings all.

Flowers will wilt,
And champagne loses bubbles.
A kiss may be sweet, then it’s through.
But a man who comes home
With a big bag of cannoli—
That man is serious about you.

So you’re nobody till somebody feeds you,
Till somebody fills up your dish.
He may nibble your ear,
But the message is clear:
You can’t make a meal of a kiss.

He may promise the moon,
He may howl at it too,
He may show you what romance is for—

But you’re somebody—
When somebody feeds you...

Till somebody hands you a plate.

He may tell you you’re gorgeous
And loosen your girdle—
But hunger will not sit and wait.
He may kiss you and squeeze you
And beg you to please him,
And swear you’re the girl he adores.

KAY
[Verse 1]
Wake up to a brand-new day,
let the sunlight lead the way,
there are possibilities passing by.
Put on your shoes and step outside,
leave the same old world behind—
you never know what waits beneath the sky.

[Pre-Chorus]
You could spend your whole life waiting,
watching every moment go—
but the door is standing open,
and there’s one way you will know:

[Chorus]
Oh, life gets sweeter—

BACKING VOCALS
Take a chance!

KAY
Everything gets brighter—take a chance!
Take a small step and be on your way,
you might find what you’re looking for today—
oh, life gets sweeter...

BACKING VOCALS
Take a chance!

KAY
The days seem dreamier,
the nights seem starrier,
and people grow friendlier—

BACKING VOCALS
Ooh-ooh!

KAY
Take a chance!

[Verse 2]
Maybe there’s a face you’ll meet,
maybe there’s a different street,
maybe there’s a song you’re meant to sing.
Maybe what you thought was through
is only waiting there for you—
one little “yes” can change most anything.

[Pre-Chorus]
You can listen to your worries,
you can let them tell you “no”—
or you can turn and face tomorrow,
take a breath and let it go.

[Chorus]
Oh, life gets sweeter—

BACKING VOCALS
Take a chance!

KAY
Everything gets brighter—take a chance!
Take a small step and be on your way,
you might find what you’re looking for today—
oh, life gets sweeter...

BACKING VOCALS
Take a chance!

KAY
The days seem dreamier,
the nights seem starrier,
and people grow friendlier—

BACKING VOCALS
Ooh-ooh!

KAY
Take a chance!

They call me "Janet" when I’m useful,
"Mrs. Rizzo" to be nice.
"Ma" when Gary needs a miracle,
"Mommy" when Kay needs advice.

Tony calls me “easy,”
Which means “I never make a sound.”
A woman can be buried in a kitchen
And still be above the ground.

I had a job before the diapers,
I had heels before the ring.
I had a dream before this sitchy-ation,
Just like Martin Luther King.

Then Gary cried,
Then Kay came as well,
and by then it was too late.
So, I packed my dreams behind the bowls
And set another plate.

So, “later” is a little lie
That keeps the house at ease.
And I have spent my married life
Saying, “Not now, Janet...please.”

I found my spine behind the flour tin,
Thin as sin, but mine.
I found my nerve by the coffee cups,
Still bitter, but still fine.
Tony, you married a woman,
But she became a housewife instead
Well, bless your heart and pass the bread,
That version is all but dead.

I may tremble,
I may tick,
But I’m a firecracker with a short, short wick.
Step back, kitchen,
Stand back, night,
Janet Rizzo strikes a match tonight.

Tony says, “Who will hire you?
A housewife gone this long?”
The way he says “this long,” you’d think
I was born in Babylon.

He says, “The world is hard, Janet.
They won’t care you were a wife.”
As if I haven’t run this house
Like a business all my life.

“He says Gary still needs dinner,”
...but Gary shaves and drives a Ford.

“He says Kay still needs her mother,”
...but Kay needs to see me not ignored.

He says, “Don’t make a scene now.”
That one made me laugh.
I have swallowed twenty years of scenes
Not once on my behalf

The sauce can simmer by itself.
The saints can save themselves.
I’ve mothered everybody here;
It’s time they mother themselves.

I may tremble,
I may tick,
But I’m a firecracker with a short, short wick.
Step back, kitchen,
Stand back, night,
Janet Rizzo strikes a match tonight.

Goodbye, wax grapes in a bowl
That nobody can eat.
Goodbye, plastic on the sofa
Like the Pope might need a seat.

Goodbye, gravy in the good pot,
Goodbye, guilt in the air.
I'm not the same as our good china,
Goodbye to "handle with care."

Goodbye, Gary’s socks all over.
Goodbye, Kay’s teenage tears.
Goodbye, calling grown-up children
My babies all these years.

Goodbye, Mama Rizzo’s comments,
Goodbye, “That’s not how it’s done.”
Goodbye, measuring my marriage
and expecting me to be a nun.

Goodbye, dusting Tony’s trophies.
Goodbye, setting mine aside.
Goodbye, smiling like I meant it
While I let my own dreams slide.

And goodbye, Janet Rizzo,
To the part that stayed afraid.
The woman who kept stepping back
From every chance she made.

I was not born to P.T.A. or
make my kids take dance.
I was not born to kill a day
or refuse a second chance.

I was not born Mrs. Anybody.
I was not born almost.
I was Janet before I was useful.
Not a useful whipping post

Tomorrow morning, eight o’clock,
I’ll paint my lips bright, bright red.
Not for Tony, not for church,
But for the life I left unled.

There’s an office near the station,
Second floor, Venetian blinds.
Says they need a loyal clerk.
I’ve been loyal, I’ve been useful;
Now pay me for the work.

Maybe I type.
Maybe I file.
Maybe I start with typing names.
Maybe I file till three.
But each hour there gives Janet back to me.

Let them say I’m old for starting.
Let them say I missed my chance.
Some women learn the dance quite young.
Some never really got the chance.

[More powerful and frantic, building to the end]
I found my spine behind the flour tin,
Thin as sin, but mine.
I found my nerve by the coffee cups,
Still bitter, but still fine.

Tony, you married a woman,
But she became a housewife instead
Well, bless your heart and pass the bread,
That version is all but dead.

I may tremble,
I may tick,
But I’m a firecracker with a short, short wick.
Step back, kitchen,
Stand back, night,
Janet Rizzo strikes a match tonight.

I was Tony’s wife at dinner,
Gary’s mother on the phone.
Kay’s umbrella, Mama’s target,
Everybody’s chaperone.

But if anybody asks for Janet Rizzo,
Say it plain and say it twice:
She spent twenty years on simmer,
NOW SHE’S FIRE, NERVE, AND SPICE!